Just Breathe
Inhale, exhale, repeat...
Pausing to look up...
Journal Entry: July 6th 2020 - 2:25 p.m.
*Mom calls crying that Croc (my brother) has a tumor on his brain
*Can't breathe....start crying loudly, breathe...Andrew at work (message him with news)
*Bake batch of bagels for Croc & Mom's household for supper when they return
*Boys discuss how sad they would be if their brother was sick
*Boys hug me 20 times and tell me they love me
*Bake honey-oat bread for our supper
*Call my sister and discuss how surreal this is
*Cry some more...pause...breathe...
*Join special Zoom call with my family to sing Happy Birthday for our Gran who turns 86
today - put on a happy face for our beautiful matriarch (who most definitely will not be
hearing this news yet...not today...not on her birthday)
*Boys hug and tell me they love me 20 more times...
*Wait for the big bear embrace from Andrew when he gets home
Taking 100% responsibility for how you experience life is truly one of the most powerful and liberating states of being you could choose to become. - Ricky Mathieson
I had an epiphany between the bouts of crying and calm, and breathing, and crying and calm again...maybe this new and powerful growth journey I'm on has been in preparation for this very big scary life event taking place now! Maybe I was meant to find my inner strength, my light, my voice, now...so that I can be the light for my family when they will need LIGHT the most! This gave me hope and terrified me simulatneoulsy....suppose I'm not enough to pull them through this storm...suppose I can't find the perfect words of strength and encouragment when they need it...
After about two days of rollercoaster mood swings and the oh so familiar engulfing darkness, I decided (with advice from the reliable sounding board of my husband) that in order for me to be there for my family, I have to take care of me first! There is no positive energy to spread, if my supply is empty. As the very true statement goes, "You cannot give what you do not have!"
We can't always choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it. - Unknown
The thing is, no matter how comforting and supportive my husband and boys are to me (and they are my unwavering rock in the storms), the fact still remains that how I'm feeling on the inside, is completely up to ME! Happiness comes from the inside out! Needless to say, my anxiety combat efforts have increased ten-fold in the last two weeks and I've realized some incredible truths.
GRATEFUL HEART
One of the fastest and most effective ways to unleash the positive, is to pause, breathe and find something around me NOW to be grateful for. Gratitude truly is one of the highest vibrational frequencies in the universe, and the instantaneous positive energy it channels through the body is incredible. And what makes this foolproof, is that there will ALWAYS be a crack of light peeking in from somewhere. There will always be something, no matter how small, to be grateful for. Research has shown that gratitude fosters positive cycles of thinking. The effect of gratitude is a positive mindset and this in turn creates a sense of hope and enthusiasm for future positives. I am holding on tight to hope of future positives!
MOVE YOUR BODY
The other truth that works wonders for me is to move my body! This typically involves my mat and DownDog yoga app. Focusing on not falling flat on my face in crow pose is very effective in getting my mind to zero in on the present moment instead of trailing circles in worry-land...and there's also the added bonus of those happy mood-boosting endorphins that are produced when we exercise. Just move...even it it's taking a walk around the yard or down the street...get the blood flowing and endorphins working!
Just to breathe is enough for us to always be happy, to enjoy life. Just to be Alive is Enough. - Don Miguel Ruiz
TRULY LIVE TODAY
This experience my family is living right now has further cemented in me the fact that we must enjoy TODAY...the moment we are living right NOW...because there is no telling what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy the kids...the smiles, the frowns, the fights, the long discussions on which super power would be best to have or the endless reciting of mind boggling facts on pangolins and lion's mane jellyfish...the hugs and sweet 'I love you's'... my husband, my best friend... our discussions, our fights, our little annoyances, our sweet embraces and whispers of love affirmations...that video call with the grandparents...the adorable faces of my nieces and nephew...lunch meet-ups with the cousins, aunts and uncles...live truly into these moments!
Faith keeps the person who keeps the Faith - Mother Teresa
As long as we have breath, we have a choice to live in light and joy...Today my brother bravely travels to Mexico to seek help from the specialist...today I choose gratitude and hope....I choose to see only possibilities and future positives...today I know that whatever tomorrow brings, I will power through with blazing light...today I am ready to be strong for me and my family...
xoxo
Jess
