I spoiled the pot of beans!

And with it Pandemic Paranoia spiraled....

I've been mentally handling this global crisis pretty well, all things considered. I'm the mom who looks forward to holiday breaks with the kids at home...I enjoy cooking and hanging out with my family at home, I love taking walks with my husband in the beautiful garden he has cultivated for us (lucky for me - my backyard :)..we don't normally go out or travel often...so this home quarantine has been like a home staycation :)

Our family unit of four conducted a pretty successful "Pantry Stocking' covert mission to town involving Dada driving his truck, boys sitting in back seats providing moral support, and mama tactically jumping out of truck, practicing social distancing in grocery store (where everyone seemed to not have the slightest clue what social distancing means) swiftly paying for grocery items that were pre-ordered and being loaded into truck pan as payment transaction was processing...mama jumping back into truck, Clorox wipes at the ready to clean gloved hands and credit card....and taking a shaky deep breath from conducting mission pretty much without the inhalation of oxygen....pheww...

Then the unloading process once pick-up mission was complete - empty all bags of contents....clean all grocery items with Clorox wipes, stock pantry to the brim (literally one month's supply of food - not for hoarding reasons, but for the reduction of times these covert missions will be required), sanitize floors, strip away clothing and place directly in washer, take shower being sure to wash hair too....pheww.....

Washing of hands, door knobs, keys, floors, counters, random articles that may have the sneaky Corona sitting comfortably on it...are now closely resembling symptoms of OCD...But I've been fine with all of this...my mood has been freakily positive... until I spoiled the pot of beans....

Smelly beans sent me spiraling...

Like many households in Belize, beans (red kidney, black, pinto, etc.) is a staple part of our daily diets. My family consumes a pot of beans weekly. Unlike a lot of homes, I keep my cooked beans on the stove (instead of the fridge), warming it up twice a day...a practice I got from my mama and one that I like, since we literally eat out of the pot everyday. Once in a while, my beans, for some reason, spoils...this normally upsets me, but I move on...Well not in times of a global pandemic is seems! I woke up with positive energy, made my way to the kitchen and as usual, lit the burner under the pot and removed the cover. I don't know if you have ever smelled spoiled beans....I wish it on no one...definitely not a pleasant odor...so yeah...the smelly beans met my nose and declared the garbage was its next destination!

I immediatley felt a wave of panic, guilt and disappointment in myself take over my entire body! The familiar tensing of the stomach and flood of negative energy began its course. I couldn't believe I could be so irresponsible in a time we should be extra careful with food wastage. The process of ladling all that slimy smelly beans into a bag and tossing into the trash was a painstaking mental/emotional process. Every interaction with my family and myself for the next couple hours were highlighted with grumpiness, teary eyes and negativity...feelings that I have not expressed in a couple weeks now...feelings I no longer welcome...

So I decided to slam on the brakes and run a diagnostic

Pause and acknowledge the feelings, analyze and understand where they are coming from, decide on a different course and move on...Before the smelly beans day was over, I understood where the deluge of negative energy came from and began to treat myself with more compassion! It stemmed directly from the Pandemic Paranoia gripping our world right now (and I guess I was not as immune to it as I had happily thought I was!) We are all concerned about our respective countries' food supply, our household's food supply, the imminent decline of economies, the future of our bank accounts, availability of toilet paper and yes the likely probability of contracting the invisible and scary Covid 19!

My husband and I decided that we should stock up on the staples, especially beans and flour (flour for my sake...since I am pretty obsessed with baking and a low flour supply automatically amps up my anxiety :) So when the reality of an entire pot of smelly beans slapped me in the face, I immediately began to panic about my lowered beans supply! I wasted an entire week of beans! I carelessly depleted the stock which would either deprive us of the staple or force us to make dangerous unnecessary covert pantry restocking missions into town in the upcoming weeks...upcoming weeks that are so uncertain...

Another thought legend of the past to my rescue!

Inhale....exhale...repeat...

So as it happens, I just started reading the book, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. I've recently been introduced to his work in my Empowered Living community. He is a survivor of the Holocaust, who went on to write one of the greatest books in history! He used the power of his mind to survive the unimaginable horrors of the concentration camps...he is living testament of Mind over Matter! Knowing the history of his life greatly substantiates his profound and powerful words!

AMAZING Words like these:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing - the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose one's own way.

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

I get goosebumps reading these words. They are so incredibly powerful and if practiced has the ability to change lives, communities, countries and the world! So I decided to pause, take deep breaths and consider what my next response should be. I decided to choose gratitude instead. I know the power of gratitude and understood what I needed to do at the end of that terrible smelly beans day! I needed to proceed with the filter of gratitude securely fastened onto my attitude, my thoughts, my choices, my path through this pandemic and beyond.

INTERRUPT ANXIETY WITH GRATITUDE

Inhale...exhale...repeat...

Yes, I spoiled the beans...fact. To avoid this happening again, I will join the masses and put the beans in the fridge :) I am grateful for the 15 more pounds of beans waiting to be cooked, I am grateful for a full pantry, I am grateful for my friendly Chinese Grocer who allows me to pre-order my supplies and simply pay and pick-up, I am grateful for a comfortable home to be quarantined in, I am grateful for my family who I enjoy spending time with, I am grateful that so far my country has only two confirmed cases of the Covid 19 (prayer emoji), I am grateful for fresh air to breathe and space to move around...

The positive energy that flows through the body when in a state of gratitude is real!

There is a lot of positive messages floating around social media and appearing in inboxes around the world. These messages encourage us to use this down time to reflect and reconnect. I totally agree with this. This has been my journey for the last couple months (before this pandemic) and it has provided me with such incredible growth. Digging deep, rediscovering ourselves, our passions, our dreams, spending real, quality time reconnecting with our loved ones and practicing gratitude minute by minute....this is how we will get through this very large thunderstorm. Be the light for yourself, for your loved ones...as humans, we all have the incredible privilege of choice in any situation...choose to let in the light...

xoxo