Fly

How I make myself lighter so I can soar high above the surface of the waves...

It was Epictetus that said, "First say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do."

Since my last post, I've been trying to follow these seemingly simple string of words from an ancient Greek philosopher, and as much as I love and agree with the beautiful logic behind them, I have to admit, it is not as easy to live out, as it is to read...duh Jessica :)

But isn't the simplicity of this one sentence captivating...the kicker comes in at the second half...then do what you have to do...

In the midst of my current life circumstances, I've been telling myself I have to be positive, be happy and be strong...I laid out three things that help me to stay positive in my last post, and have truly been giving my best effort to practice...but honestly, many days in the past couple of weeks have been quite heavy...

I've come to realize, the happiness of my days has been based on the news of my brother from hundreds of miles away...I hang on with bated breath every morning and evening as I await my mama's response to my checking-in messages. Every time the family video chat rings, my heart immediately gets lodged in my throat. This feels like the biggest storm I've had to survive yet...and I'm not the one living in the center of it...I'm not my brother bravely fighting for his life, I'm not my mom and sister-in-law heroically withstanding the 24/7 care and agonizing worry over his every breath...all I am supposed to do is BE their beacon of light from afar!

And my light goes dark when I'm bludgeoned by the heaviness of the racing slew of thoughts that bombard my mind in the hours between and after the text messages and video chats...

Last week I started listening to podcasts by Jim Fortin and it's been the 'other voice' I need in my head right now. Truly deep, cosmic, universal mind stuff that resonates with me...His life mentor is his Shaman brother-in-law, Don Xavier, whom he quotes often. One quote particularly went straight to my desperately seeking soul...Don Xavier says:

When you think too much you make yourself heavy, and when you are heavy you CANNOT FLY!

Cannot fly....isn't that the feeling I've experienced in every dark dive of my life?...the heavyweight that keeps me rooted beneath the surface. When we allow our minds to be inundated with negative thoughts of all the things we don't want...all the things that can go wrong...it consumes all the lightness...all the light...and we cannot fly...we are made heavy and rooted by the shackles of our thoughts...thoughts that we put into our minds and therefore into our reality...

I heard Jim Fortin say...' we are not our thoughts...we are the THINKER of our thoughts!' I've written a lot about the importance of thoughts and their effect on practically everything in our lives, quoting the legendary James Allen often. I truly understand how vital our thoughts are to our well-being and happiness. I KNOW THIS...yet have been allowing myself to drown in the darkness for the past couple of weeks...I've not been following the long-dead Epictetus' timeless and totally relevant advice to 'do what you have to do' ;) When I heard Jim Fortin reiterate to me that we are the THINKER of our thoughts....it suddenly switched on again...we are the masters of our universe...the creative designers of our realities!

I cannot change what's happening to my brother and our family...but I can change the effects I'm experiencing in my reality, by being the THINKER OF MY THOUGHTS...by filtering the negative energy and allowing the light to keep shining through. I am not superhuman, so must also be compassionate with myself...I must allow myself to cry when it becomes too heavy, to seek comfort from my boys' loving arms...to sleep in the day when I need to, write when I need to...bake bread every day if I need to....only then can I become lighter...when I'm lighter I can fly high and spread the positive energy onto my family who needs it now more than ever...

xoxo

Jess